My new maid is a non-lactating squirrel
Last winter I watched Tyrant spend hours and hours chasing larger squirrels away from the drift of walnut trees out back. I assumed Tyrant was male because this chasing behavior seemed aggressive and futile and I judged it as masculine. I also named the squirrel Tyrant at this time. This squirrel really seemed the jump-on-your- face-and-eat-it-off type of critter. When spring came I realized I was a judgmental idiot as soon as I spotted Tyrant’s six huge lactating boobs hanging out of her fur.
Now she’s back to stock piling winter treats and has moved from the drafty woodpile to my shed. I had “face the squirrel” on my to do list for a few weeks. A few friends mentioned, “You have got to kill it/get rid of it. Those things are trouble.” I didn’t have any intention of killing Tyrant, but knew I should check the well-being of my shed. I was shocked when I opened the shed to investigate and/or get my face eaten off by Tyrant, figuring I’d see a trashed mess of red squirrel destruction. Instead this is what I saw…..
She also had a little nest in the most protected corner furthest away from where the winter wind blows. Now I know a lot of readers have an Aunt whose house was terrorized by a red squirrel eating through the screen and gorging themselves on appliance wires, or perhaps a cousin who had a red squirrel fill his attic to the rooftop with shit after biting their baby’s leg, but I’m letting Tyrant hang out in my shed this winter. She’s neater than I am so really, the way I see it, I should invite her to live inside and get her started on whipping this place into shape. I’m not too worried about Tyrant’s new shelter. She is just looking for food, water and shelter for the winter, which she now has secured neatly in my shed. I’m confident she is not going to branch out into gnawing weed whacker string because she saw it done on a reality show or that’ll she’ll try to create a larger home by destroying the shed windows because she read about it in a fancy glossy magazine.